my life.

Proverbs 12:25:25 Anxiety in a man’s heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad.

I just wrote a whole blog but I erased it because I felt like I would look crazy if I posted it. Look at the short passage I found and it speaks for itself. I've been struggling with anxiety lately, there is so much going on in my life and I feel like I always feel something in the pit of my stomache. There is so much worry and its about pleasing others. I try so hard and I need to relax. Can someone just keep me in their prayers, I just feel like I havent been good enough wife, sister, daughter, and friend and I need some reassurance that I am not as bad as I think I am.

friends on here

How does everyone have a friends list. I can't figure out how to add people!!!!!!!

Love Languages

I started reading the Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, and I haven't had a lot of time to read it but I am about 100 pages into it, but I just wanted to say how much I am inspired by it. The other day, while having a major bout of PMS, Alex was really starting to get to me. Anyone who deals with bad PMS would understand, but I seriously had these crazy thoughts that I wasn't happy and Alex doesn't understand me and all this crap. I don't really feel that way but whenever I am crabby like that it seems like nothing goes right. I feel like everything I do is unnoticed and I feel like things he does bugs me. HA. sorry for saying that!!! So anyway I felt like I needed to control my feelings and I prayed and asked God to forgive me for all the negativity. As I was praying I felt like I needed to get the book out and start reading it. I was all achy and I decided to get in the tub and start my book. I just really felt like I could relate, and things I read, I was like, man, I do that, or I think like that, I can nag instead of telling him what I would really appreciate. Like I said though, I am not finished with the book but I have read about words of affirmation, quality time, and gifts. I feel that I am learning what Alex likes and what I like and any time I feel the urge to nag or to complain, I think of the book and how I'm not going to get anywhere acting like that. I also learned that my husband really likes words of affirmation and I have definitely been more encouraging to him and I let him know how appreciative I am when he takes out the trash or cleans out the pantry or the yard. Just a few kind words and he has done more in a few days that he has the past few months. I even expressed to him that I like quality time and he even came to babysit with me to night at a friends house, which isn't normal. I thank God because I know He knows what we both need and He wants us to be happy and have a successful marriage. I'm excited because Alex is going to read the book too. At first he was thinking why are you reading that, we're not having any major problems, but I answered him by letting him know I was willing to do anything to keep our marriage strong and to help us understand each other more. And I am. He's my favorite person on earth!
SO, if you haven't read it, its a good idea to do so if you're in a relationship or marriage.

eeeeeh!

I have been really lazy lately. I mean not really because I work allllll the time, so I guess that doesnt make me lazy. But when it comes to working out, or leaving early to run a few errands before work, or filling out those pampered chef invites for my party on NOv. 3. Seriously though, Im on here when I should be doing so much more. Or on Myspace or Facebook or checking my email constantly. Oooh I need some drive and motivation!!!!

Luvee, You will never see this because you don't even know I have this page. You don't even check your myspace or facebook. It took you like 7months to confirm we were married on facebook. That's okay. I know you love me!! It just makes me feel good to do this. Sometimes I complain to you, about things you don't care about. Sometimes I nag to you. Just know that that's what I do sometimes. My family always gave me so much crap about being a big complainer!! And I feel bad about that but hey, you have to take the good with the bad, right? I want you to know that I love you so much, you are my world, my inspiration, and my happiness. I thank God that He put you in my life. You make me feel so good sometimes. The things you say to me, when I am feeling down, you really know how to put a smile on my face. You make me feel so loved. When we are out in public and I catch you staring at me, and I tease you but I like it. Just when I think maybe you wish you had that single life like your friends, you say or do something that makes me know you love your life. Like when you were out of town and had to go to bed alone, and how you were so much luckier than your friends because you know at night time you get to be with me. I love you, I love who you've made me, and I am blessed to be loved by you. Thanks for being my other half! love your wifey

to my sister, Keri

I hope you see that I wrote this about you but I dont want to bring it to your attention because I think that when you stumble across it one day, it will have that much more of an impact on you. I am actually getting emotional writing this because i want you to know how special you are to me. This whole situation with Mom and Dad, sometimes I feel like I am the only one who can't get over it and as time goes on, I ask myself and I ask Alex, "Should I still feel this way, should i still feel like my family is broken?" It is broken, and my heart hurts really bad from it. I try to act like its ok, but on a regular basis I still find myself thinking about it, wondering what went wrong and why couldn't they fix it. I know they loved eachother. I think part of the reason I get so upset is that I based my relationship with Alex on what theirs was. I know they were good to eachother and that they loved eachother. They were the foundation of our family. I just wanted to be like them. The rug got ripped from underneath me. As I'm trying to get back up, I look around at our broken family, but still intact, I see you. I see you and Benji and your special family. I am so glad you guys are in my life, that i have you guys now to be that foundation. God had a plan when he brought you two together. Did you ever think that you were going to be such an example to our family? Not only to me and Alex, but to Michelle and Ryan, to Mindy and her future and to Paul as well. And to all the kids. We all love you guys so much and I am truly blessed to know that I have a sister I can go to if ever I need anything. Thank you for impacting my life. I love you!

Frustration

This blog is going to be a crappy one. I am really annoyed and am feeling very unappreciated. I hate to complain but I try so hard to please people and I dont always seem to get the same in return. I wish I didn't care so much but I do. God, please help me to be more carefree, and if I am expecting too much from a certain someone, show me how to calm down and get over it. I need YOU more than ever.